It’s Friday! Let’s Fuck Shit Up Together!
Happy Friday, lovely! It’s time to fuck some shit up!
Twice a month, in accordance with the lunar cycles, we gather in circle here and in your inbox for a salaciously good time. We talk sex, self-care, and reclaiming what has always been ours via ritualized practices and hexing shitty politicians. And for my entrepreneurial babes out there, you’re getting a little bonus sales tip, too.
Why? Because I want to combine everything in my varied background into one place to offer my highest and greatest good to you. Take what resonates. Leave the rest.
🔥 SEX
In this segment, I hand you a little tip to keep your sexual health in line or spice up your bedroom. Why? Because I sold sex toys for 12 years and received training from some of the best sexologists in the world. Any products mentioned are available HERE.
Acknowledge your previous experiences rather than brushing them under the rug or beating yourself up for them.
This used to come up ALL THE TIME in my 12-year previous career selling sex toys. And it comes up pretty commonly in calls with my coaching clients when we talk about sex. It has come up twice this week, so I thought I’d address it here. Because any time something comes up multiple times in a day or so, it tends to be a theme that’s helpful to address more broadly. (Yes, we can talk about sex. No, we don’t have to. For my 1:1 clients and in Project Reclamation, you decide what we coach on. Nothing is off limits, and you’re in charge.)
When we’re socialized as girls and women, we’re often shamed — in both big and small ways — for our sexuality. Of course, this is compounded for those of us under the queer umbrella, but it applies across the board.
We aren’t “supposed” to be sexual, and when we’re sexualized by others, we’re often blamed. When we ARE sexual, we’re slut-shamed by friends, family, religious groups… When we AREN’T sexual, we’re also shamed for that.
And there’s an undercurrent of waiting until you’ve found “the one,” implying that shutting ourselves off from our sexuality can suddenly be flipped backward like a light switch, making sex magical and wonderful, even though we’ve had a lifetime of conditioning to tell us otherwise.
But, unfortunately, that doesn’t fucking work. And it often leads us to either engage or disengage in ways that don’t quite feel right, that we aren’t sure about, and that we feel badly about later. And that’s not even touching all the ways sexual predators come into play, and we can be forced or coerced into things beyond our control.
Every sexual experience you’ve had leading up to this moment in time has had an impact on your relationship to sex, your own sexuality, and how you relate to sexual partners.
Acknowledging that as part of your truth can come with a host of emotions. And that can be uncomfortable. But so is disconnecting from your sex life or enduring physical or emotional pain during sex just because it’s what you’re “supposed” to do.
If you’re one of the multitudes of folks socialized as a woman who carries shame around sex, I want you to know that you’re not alone, and it’s actually quite common. Pretending that’s not the case for you when it is, or further shaming yourself FOR the shame because you believe it means there’s something wrong with you does not make it better. While acknowledging where you are can come with discomfort, that’s something that can be worked through. And ultimately, it leads to you having more agency over your sex life and reclaiming sex for yourself.
If that’s something you’d like to work through privately, please respond to this email, and we’ll talk about what it looks like to work with me as a 1:1 coach. And if we find that’s not the best fit, I’ll happily offer referrals for a sex coach or sex therapist. 🔥
💖 SELF-CARE
In this segment, I combine my background as a massage therapist with my training as a coach to offer you tips for physical, mental, and emotional well-being. My personal recommendation for physical movement is the Pilates-based mat work offered by Tandy Gutierrez. Not only has Tandy’s work helped me navigate living in an auto-immune body, but over the years, this has helped me more than anything else to heal my nervous system. Check out her Unicorn Wellness Studio HERE.
How’s your neck? Is it a little fucked? If you drive a lot, work at a computer, or are AT ALL engaged with what’s happening globally, I’m betting the answer to that is YES.
A few weeks ago, I sent out a neck stretch for you and today, we’re going to take that a little further with some gentle traction.
Tilt your head to the left. Place your left hand above your right ear and gently pull down while simultaneously pushing your head against your hand. Hold for up to 90 seconds.
Tilt your head to the right. Place your right hand above your left ear, gently pulling down while pressing your head into your hand. Hold for up to 90 seconds.
Repeat 3x a day.
This creates a small bit of traction in your neck, which can generate a lovely release. 💖
💸 SALES
Again, I sold sex toys for 12 years. In the direct sales industry. I was fucking good at it. I earned a ton of incentives. And I trained hundreds of other women how to do the same thing. Now, I’ve taken my experience from that career, my experience with a brick-and-mortar massage practice with massage membership sales, and from building my coaching practice to develop a sales and business membership community to help other entrepreneurs redefine their relationship to sales, systems, and strategy so they can grow in a sustainable way. In this segment, I’m offering all my entrepreneurial love bugs a sales tip. Skip this part if it doesn’t apply to you. And if it does? Email or DM me, and I’ll send you my free 7-day course to find and hone your authentic sales voice.
Entrepreneurship is not for everyone. Full stop.
It’s not easy. It’s not glamorous. And it can be incredibly lonely.
Those who try to force themselves into the entrepreneurial box tend to burn themselves out and then beat themselves up. I’ve seen it over. And over. And over again.
Our society has pedestalized entrepreneurship as if it’s THE answer — to financial freedom, to career creativity, to…winning capitalism?
But more often than not, what I see is folks learning how to do a thing (massage, hair, makeup, web design, interior design, coaching…I could go on), receiving zero sales or business training, and being told to just “put themselves out there” as if magic will happen and clients will flock to them as soon as they decide they’re open for business.
When that doesn’t happen, they get more training, sign up for masterminds that do little more than ask questions like, “What if you DID know?!” and end up spinning their wheels. Sometimes they end up quitting. Sometimes they go into massive amounts of debt. And in all cases, they blame themselves.
But the problem is in how “business” is marketed. Learning how to do a thing does not mean you know how to sell that thing. It does not mean you know how to market that thing to lead to sales. It does not mean you know how to set up systems to ensure your business runs effectively. And it certainly does not grant you anyone to bounce ideas off of, to offer support, to offer leadership and experienced guidance.
That’s where SellingU comes in. Structured curriculum to develop your unique sales voice and generate a useful relationship with the concept of sales. Practical application. Hands-on practice. Built-in networking. Guidance from someone with nearly two decades of high-volume sales experience. (That’s me.) Weekly coaching and strategizing. Weekly co-working sessions. And literally so much more.
The doors open again in the spring, but if you’re into this kind of thing, reply to this email, and we’ll talk about what kind of support I can offer you before our new cohort begins.
You deserve to be well-resourced. You deserve to be well-supported. 💸
✨ SPELL
Because this newsletter is sent out in conjunction with the lunar cycles, this segment offers you a moon ritual. Prior to all the stuff listed above, I studied art history as a way to develop an understanding of world religions. Since childhood, I’ve been on a spiritual journey to develop my own relationship to the divine. In no way do I have any interest in telling you what to believe or not believe. That’s for you. It’s personal. And for me, it’s cyclical. My spiritual practices have changed my relationship to time in such a beautiful way that I want to offer you a bit of that shift here by recognizing the cycles of the moon in order to hand you an opportunity to incorporate cyclical time into your experience of life. I work with many spiritual mentors, and ritualized practices are incorporated into the foundation of Project Reclamation—my equity-centered membership community—as well as the Reclamation Weekend retreats I host. And when you joined this email list, you received a Reclamation ritual from me. Again, I don’t care what you believe in or don’t believe in. Paying attention to the moon will help repair your relationship with time, which capitalism has fucked up for all of us. If you’d like to dive deeper into esoteric spirituality, I recommend checking out the Magical Mentoring program offered by Tandy, who I mentioned in blue above, for her Pilates work. That info is HERE.
Across time and culture, the moon has often represented our inner world of emotional connection, spiritual journey, and relationship to self. Aligning myself with the cycles of the moon has offered me the added bonus of shifting my relationship with time. When we allow ourselves the space for rest and renewal, rather than keeping ourselves stuck in the constant hustle & grind mentality of late-stage capitalism, our perspectives on what’s influential, what’s valuable, and what’s worthy of our energy have space to become deeper and more personal.
This week, I’m offering you a new moon ritual to hand you a little piece of that.
This doesn’t have to take a long time. The idea is to be present with yourself and focused on your full experience during the ritual. Pay attention to the sensations you feel during the ritual and make note of them afterward. I’d love to hear about your experience if you’d like to share!
NEW MOON RITUAL
The new moon is an excellent time to focus on what you want to create, achieve, or accomplish. You can get fancy with your rituals, and if you’re into altar work, crystal work, or any other kind of spiritual work, please feel free to incorporate it. Personally, I like to keep things simple.
Supplies: paper, pen, glass of water that you’ll drink
Steps:
Take a few minutes and ground yourself, whatever that means to you – whether that’s a few deep breaths, listening to a guided meditation, washing your face, putting your feet in the grass, masturbating, or anything else.
Write out what it is you want to create, achieve, or accomplish. This can be big or small. It can be for the lunar cycle beginning with this new moon, the next six months, the next calendar year, or a lifelong dream.
Read what you’ve written—out loud—over your glass of water. Then drink the water.
Tuesday, December 12, gives us our last new moon of 2023. So with this in mind, I encourage you to do the writing in the ritual from the perspective of what you want to initiate to support and nourish yourself through the holidays and as we transition into 2024. ✨
✊ STATECRAFT
Politics is a not-so-secret passion of mine. I used to run a couple of political organizations here in Kansas City and lobby at the state level in Missouri with Planned Parenthood. The 2016 election is what led me into coaching after I lost my mind and a therapist told me I had “excellent coping skills” because I was focusing all my time and energy on political volunteerism. And in this segment, we might get a little petty. But we’ll always be aiming to reclaim our power from the cis-heteronormative, puritanical, white supremacist patriarchy we currently live under in this hellscape of climate change and late-stage capitalism. Here, I’ll offer suggestions on candidates to donate to, people to follow, podcasts to subscribe to, and answer the question of WHO ARE WE HEXING? (Josh Hawley is always on that list.)
Is there anyone more appropriate to hex this week than beloved gay icon George Santos? I mean, come on. This fucking guy.
I don’t know what his future plans are, but I imagine him with a podcast or second-rate television show, and I’d love to NOT see that come to fruition.
If there’s anyone who gives queers a bad name, it’s George Santos. Pretending to be straight is something we’ve all done for safety. And we love a messy bitch. But this? This is too much. And does not deserve to be rewarded with public support.
So hex away, my loves! He’s our target today.
*This segment is not intended to promote harm to anyone in any way. I don’t hex people in real life. ✊
******************************
That’s it for this week, lovely! I appreciate you offering me space in your day. And I look forward to seeing you fuck some shit up today! ❤️🔥
-xoxo-
Keli
P.S. I want to invite you to Project Reclamation, a private, equitable, self-coaching community, to explore the most expansive version of yourself. Inside, you’ll receive tools for nervous system regulation, emotional processing, and cognitive self-coaching. Plus, you’ll have access to Master Certified Coaches to receive written coaching as well as live coaching via group calls. And you’ll be able to join in on an integrated book club, as well as both virtual and in-person community celebrations.
Maybe life coaching has felt out of reach for you in the past, as it’s often relegated to those hoarding enough wealth to be bored. But self-discovery doesn’t actually come in Tiffany boxes, and it is my goal to make healing and growth accessible to everyone.
Inside this space, we’re committed to reclaiming our bodies, our time, our joy, and our lives from all the cultural conditioning that has left us feeling less than. And we’re doing it in a vibrant, supportive community that is truly open to everyone who shares these values. (Though cis-het white Christian men may struggle a bit.)
Registration is now open, so click the link to join. See you on the inside!
