It’s Friday! Let’s Fuck Shit Up Together!
Happy Friday, lovely! It’s time to fuck some shit up!
Twice a month, in accordance with the lunar cycles, we gather in circle here and in your inbox for a salaciously good time. We talk sex, self-care, and reclaiming what has always been ours via ritualized practices and hexing shitty politicians. And for my entrepreneurial babes out there, you’re getting a little bonus sales tip, too.
Why? Because I want to combine everything in my varied background into one place to offer my highest and greatest good to you. Take what resonates. Leave the rest.
🔥 SEX
In this segment, I hand you a little tip to keep your sexual health in line or spice up your bedroom. Why? Because I sold sex toys for 12 years and received training from some of the best sexologists in the world. Any products mentioned are available HERE.
When you think of sexual organs, you likely think genitals and maybe reproductive tubes. But the most powerful sexual organ isn’t any of that.
It’s your brain.
Which means that what turns you on and gets you off is often largely related more to mental stimulation than physical stimulation.
Of course, orgasm can be produced via physical stimulation alone. But a far more pleasurable experience happens when your mind and body are both on board.
And one of the most effective strategies for mental stimulation? Fantasy.
This week, I want to invite you to fantasize a bit. Stimulate your own mind.
Whether that means inventing scenarios throughout the day that you’d like to participate in with your partner(s) or yourself that evening, conjuring up dreamscapes with otherworldly characters, or something in between, use your own mind to generate your own fantasies. And see how that impacts your sex life. 🔥
💖 SELF-CARE
In this segment, I combine my background as a massage therapist with my training as a coach to offer you tips for physical, mental, and emotional well-being. My personal recommendation for physical movement is the Pilates-based mat work offered by Tandy Gutierrez. Not only has Tandy’s work helped me navigate living in an auto-immune body, but over the years, this has helped me more than anything else to heal my nervous system. Check out her Unicorn Wellness Studio HERE.
Oil or lotion for massage?
I cannot tell you how many times I’ve been asked which is better.
But the thing is, there’s not a universal answer to that. My preferences when giving a massage, as a professional, are also likely WAY different than most people’s preferences when offering their partner (or themselves) a 10-minute rub-down.
What I can offer, though, are some key factors to consider to determine your preferences:
Texture: Do you like the way the product feels in your own hands? If so, continue on. If not, ditch that product and try something else.
Slip: When you’re rubbing the product into skin (yours or someone else’s), does it glide well? Or do you skid across the skin, unable to move fluidly? (This doesn’t necessarily mean you need more product. It means you need a different product.) Does it allow you to grip well? Or do you slide off of the muscle you’re trying to grab a hold of? (This doesn’t necessarily mean you need less product. It means you need a different product.)
Dry time: If you’re using a water-based lotion, it may dry out more quickly than you want it to. Which will mean re-applying multiple times, leading to product buildup, and weird gumming or balling-up of the product when it mixes with sweat and sebum naturally occurring on the ski
Absorption: If you’re using an oil, it may linger on the skin longer than you want it to. Which will mean oil stains on sheets, towels, or clothing. (And yes, you can use Dawn dish soap. It doesn’t always get out THAT MUCH oil, though. Trust me on this. I’ve got a dozen sets of oil-stained twin-sized sheets to prove it.)
There’s not really a “better” here. But use these indicators, and you’ll be able to determine your own preferences.
Do you already have a favorite massage product?
And would you like the recipe I used to create my own? 💖
💸 SALES
Again, I sold sex toys for 12 years. In the direct sales industry. I was fucking good at it. I earned a ton of incentives. And I trained hundreds of other women how to do the same thing. Now, I’ve taken my experience from that career, my experience with a brick-and-mortar massage practice with massage membership sales, and from building my coaching practice to develop a sales and business membership community to help other entrepreneurs redefine their relationship to sales, systems, and strategy so they can grow in a sustainable way. In this segment, I’m offering all my entrepreneurial love bugs a sales tip. Skip this part if it doesn’t apply to you. And if it does? Email or DM me, and I’ll send you my free 7-day course to find and hone your authentic sales voice.
Running a business is not transactional like a job is. There’s not any kind of “do and get” to entrepreneurship, whereby you put in a certain number of hours or a certain number of tasks and get back a certain dollar amount.
This is the thing I find new entrepreneurs struggle with the most. They think sending #x emails or posting #x on their preferred social media platform will lead to #x sales.
But it’s not about the amount of hours you put in for a day or a week.
It’s more about showing up consistently over an extended period of time.
What that period of time is can vary, though I recommend 3 months as a minimum before evaluating anything, 6 months to really notice what’s taking shape, and a year before expecting any REAL kind of result.
And most people don’t want to put in that kind of time. They want to hammer out a bunch of hours all at once and get an instant gratification kind of result. Because this is what a job provides.
But, again, running a business is not transactional like a job is. And that mindset shift, from job to business — from employee to entrepreneur — is the biggest hurdle to jump over when you’re starting a business.
It’s what I find most often leads to people giving up, because they don’t get that instant gratification.
And even when they’ve had a business for months or years, if they’re operating under the expectation that they’ll receive an instant gratification kind of result, they end up creating cycles of overwork and burnout, which doesn’t ever lead them to a sustainable business. It leads them to high productivity from desperation with no clear direction, followed by an inability to function in their business at all or a complete avoidance to doing so.
Small steps, over time, lead to where you want to go. And you have to be willing to see that through if you want a business to flourish. 💸
✨ SPELL
Because this newsletter is sent out in conjunction with the lunar cycles, this segment offers you a moon ritual. Prior to all the stuff listed above, I studied art history as a way to develop an understanding of world religions. Since childhood, I’ve been on a spiritual journey to develop my own relationship to the divine. In no way do I have any interest in telling you what to believe or not believe. That’s for you. It’s personal. And for me, it’s cyclical. My spiritual practices have changed my relationship to time in such a beautiful way that I want to offer you a bit of that shift here by recognizing the cycles of the moon in order to hand you an opportunity to incorporate cyclical time into your experience of life. I work with many spiritual mentors, and ritualized practices are incorporated into the foundation of Project Reclamation—my equity-centered membership community—as well as the Reclamation Weekend retreats I host. And when you joined this email list, you received a Reclamation ritual from me. Again, I don’t care what you believe in or don’t believe in. Paying attention to the moon will help repair your relationship with time, which capitalism has fucked up for all of us. If you’d like to dive deeper into esoteric spirituality, I recommend checking out the Magical Mentoring program offered by Tandy, who I mentioned in blue above, for her Pilates work. That info is HERE.
Across time and culture, the moon has often represented our inner world of emotional connection, spiritual journey, and relationship to self. Aligning myself with the cycles of the moon has offered me the added bonus of shifting my relationship with time. When we allow ourselves the space for rest and renewal, rather than keeping ourselves stuck in the constant hustle & grind mentality of late-stage capitalism, our perspectives on what’s influential, what’s valuable, and what’s worthy of our energy have space to become deeper and more personal.
This week, I’m offering you a full moon ritual to hand you a little piece of that.
This doesn’t have to take a long time. The idea is to be present with yourself and focused on your full experience during the ritual. Pay attention to the sensations you feel during the ritual and make note of them afterward. I’d love to hear about your experience if you’d like to share!
FULL MOON RITUAL
The full moon is an excellent time to release anything you’ve been holding onto. And this can mean one of two things! Either you’ve been clinging to something that isn’t serving you, and you’re releasing your grip, or you’ve been working toward creating something that you’re now ready to release into the world. Whichever option resonates most with you, that’s where to focus your energy for this ritual.
Supplies: paper, pen, candle, some sort of non-flammable receptacle (actual cauldron, metal, glass, or ceramic bowl or pot, fire pit outside, the base of a grill — you’re gonna burn some shit up so you want something to let it burn in that’s not going to cause any damage to anything)
Steps:
Take a few minutes and ground yourself, whatever that means to you – whether that’s a few deep breaths, listening to a guided meditation, washing your face, putting your feet in the grass, masturbating, or anything else. Then light your candle.
Write out what it is that you’d like to release. If this is something you’ve been clinging to that isn’t serving you, and you’re releasing your grip on it, fold the paper in half AWAY from your body. If it’s something you’ve been working on and are releasing into the world, fold the paper in half TOWARD your body.
Light the paper on fire and let it burn in your non-flammable receptacle.
BONUS: If you want to mix the burnt ashes with salt and/or offer them back to the earth by sprinkling them around outside or burying them under the moon, go for it!
Our next full moon occurs in Sagittarius on Thursday, May 23. So you have a few days to prepare for your ritual.
This full moon lends itself to hope, breakthroughs, and growth. So when you’re considering where the spotlight of the full moon is shining in your life, focus on what’s hopeful, what breakthroughs you’ve recently experienced, and how you’ve grown. ✨
✊ STATECRAFT
Politics is a not-so-secret passion of mine. I used to run a couple of political organizations here in Kansas City and lobby at the state level in Missouri with Planned Parenthood. The 2016 election is what led me into coaching after I lost my mind and a therapist told me I had “excellent coping skills” because I was focusing all my time and energy on political volunteerism. And in this segment, we might get a little petty. But we’ll always be aiming to reclaim our power from the cis-heteronormative, puritanical, white supremacist patriarchy we currently live under in this hellscape of climate change and late-stage capitalism. Here, I’ll offer suggestions on candidates to donate to, people to follow, podcasts to subscribe to, and answer the question of WHO ARE WE HEXING? (Josh Hawley is always on that list.)
Harrison Butker. He’s the recipient of our hexation this week. And in case you haven’t heard of him, he’s the kicker for the Kansas City Chiefs.
Why are we hexing a football player for my hometown team?
Because of the asinine commencement address he gave at Benedictine College, just a hop, skip, and a jump away from where I grew up.
The speech was full of all the most popular tradlife faves: anti-semitism, anti-LGBTQ+, anti-feminism, pro-cishet masculinity, pro-Christian supremacy, and of course, the ever-present unspoken white supremacy that hovers over and under every word of this kind of content. Even if not overt, it’s not well-hidden.
While there are many people around the US, and specifically around the midwest, where I live, who share his views, we don’t need them publicized. And we sure as hell don’t need them handed to college graduates.
Here you go, ladies. Here’s a cute little degree for you to frame as you claim your TRUE vocation as a homemaker. Just as sky daddy intended. 🤬🤮
Hexes. Hexes all around. Hexes to Harrison Butker.
*This segment is not intended to promote harm to anyone in any way. I don’t hex people in real life. ✊
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That’s it for this week, lovely! I appreciate you offering me space in your day. And I look forward to seeing you fuck some shit up today! ❤️🔥
-xoxo-
Keli
P.S. I want to invite you to Project Reclamation, a private, equitable, self-coaching community, to explore the most expansive version of yourself. Inside, you’ll receive tools for nervous system regulation, emotional processing, and cognitive self-coaching. Plus, you’ll have access to Master Certified Coaches to receive written coaching as well as live coaching via group calls. And you’ll be able to join in on an integrated book club, as well as both virtual and in-person community celebrations.
Maybe life coaching has felt out of reach for you in the past, as it’s often relegated to those hoarding enough wealth to be bored. But self-discovery doesn’t actually come in Tiffany boxes, and it is my goal to make healing and growth accessible to everyone.
Inside this space, we’re committed to reclaiming our bodies, our time, our joy, and our lives from all the cultural conditioning that has left us feeling less than. And we’re doing it in a vibrant, supportive community that is truly open to everyone who shares these values. (Though cis-het white Christian men may struggle a bit.)
Registration is now open, so click the link to join. See you on the inside!
