It’s Friday! Let’s fuck shit up together!
Happy Friday, lovely! It’s time to fuck some shit up!
Twice a month, in accordance with the lunar cycles, we gather in circle here and in your inbox for a salaciously good time. We talk sex, self-care, and reclaiming what has always been ours via ritualized practices and hexing shitty politicians. And for my entrepreneurial babes out there, you’re getting a little bonus sales tip, too.
Why? Because I want to combine everything in my varied background into one place to offer my highest and greatest good to you. Take what resonates. Leave the rest.
🔥 SEX
In this segment, I hand you a little tip to keep your sexual health in line or spice up your bedroom. Why? Because I sold sex toys for 12 years and received training from some of the best sexologists in the world. Any products mentioned are available HERE.
You know how technology is amazing and wonderful until it’s NOT? And then we realize just how dependent we are on it. Like, you have all the connectivity with your team at work, and everyone’s communicating effectively, and all the info is being distributed how it needs to be…and then Teams goes down. Or the internet at the office goes out. Or there’s a storm, and everyone loses power.
That shit is frustrating. But what’s even more frustrating than it happening with work? Being left at the altar of an orgasm when your rechargeable toy dies. 😰
Listen. I know the best of the best toys are rechargeable. Better quality motors. Lower vibrational frequency. Softer silicone.
But when does it die? AT THE WORST POSSIBLE MOMENT.
So my sex tip to you this week is this: Have a battery backup toy. (And don’t store the batteries IN the toy. They’ll start to corrode, and you don’t want chalky battery acid flaking off around your genitals.)
Will that toy be as good as your rechargeable faves? Of course not. But in a pinch, it’ll get the job done and be WAY less frustrating than waiting 20 minutes next to the outlet for the dead toy to charge enough for 7 minutes of vibration.🔥
💖 SELF-CARE
In this segment, I combine my background as a massage therapist with my training as a coach to offer you tips for physical, mental, and emotional well-being. My personal recommendation for physical movement is the Pilates-based mat work offered by Tandy Gutierrez. Not only has Tandy’s work helped me navigate living in an auto-immune body, but over the years, this has helped me more than anything else to heal my nervous system. Check out her Unicorn Wellness Studio HERE.
When was the last time you released your jaw?
OH! Never? Cool. Let’s do that.
Jaw tension is one of the biggest complaints I used to get from massage clients on my table. And it’s not really something we tend to think about when we consider stretching. That’s usually relegated to hamstrings, low backs, maybe necks. But jaws?
Generally, jaw clenching is habitual. If you’re a jaw clencher, pay attention over the next few days and notice if there’s a time you tend to clench. (I find it’s often during times we sort of disconnect from our bodies — driving, scrolling, sitting behind a computer.) When you become aware of the habit, you can pre-empt the clenching by keeping your jaw slightly open.
But how do you release the tension that has been built up by habitual clenching? By stretching the external muscles that clench and strengthening the internal muscles that run in the opposite direction. And to do that, stick your bottom teeth out over your top teeth. Jut your jaw forward in an underbite position. Clench that way.
The muscles on the outside of your jaw run vertically. Clenching tightens those muscles, kinda like flexing your biceps. The underbite clench elongates those muscles while tightening the muscles that run horizontally, which is then like straightening your arms — elongating your biceps while tightening your triceps.
Do this any time your jaw feels tight. Hold it for a few seconds. It’ll likely be pretty uncomfortable to do at first, and your jaw will get tired quickly. Over time, though, you’ll be able to hold it longer as your jaw tension releases. 30-90 seconds 3x a day (or more, if you need it) can be helpful until you notice that tension isn’t contributing to headaches or causing other facial pain any longer. Then use this stretch as needed. 💖
💸 SALES
Again, I sold sex toys for 12 years. In the direct sales industry. I was fucking good at it. I earned a ton of incentives. And I trained hundreds of other women how to do the same thing. Now, I’ve taken my experience from that career, my experience with a brick-and-mortar massage practice with massage membership sales, and from building my coaching practice to develop a sales and business membership community to help other entrepreneurs redefine their relationship to sales, systems, and strategy so they can grow in a sustainable way. In this segment, I’m offering all my entrepreneurial love bugs a sales tip. Skip this part if it doesn’t apply to you. And if it does? Email or DM me, and I’ll send you my free 7-day course to find and hone your authentic sales voice.
SAAAAALLLESSS. That’s an icky word for a lot of folks. There’s a common misconception that in order to be good at sales, you have to be good at manipulation.
I say fuck that.
Dude-bro marketing and sales schmexperts (regardless of gender) may hock formulas and scripts. And a LOT of business coaches will talk about marketing and sales as if they’re the same thing. So they’ll teach some sort of marketing tactics and make you think those will directly translate to sales.
But here’s the thing: marketing and sales are very different things with very different skill sets and very different purposes.
Marketing is offering your brilliance for free. Sales is asking people to pay for it. (That can be with time or money. You still have to sell your freebies.)
Marketing is your social media posts. Sales is the copy on your landing pages and ads and your consult calls.
Marketing is building an audience. Sales is making offers.
And while a lot of folks (especially those socialized as women) are okay with marketing because it feels like “giving,” which is generous and lovely, those same folks tend to be squicked out by sales because they think of it as “taking,” which is selfish and terrible. (🙄 This is all patriarchal bullshit, btw.)
To build a business, you have to get good at both marketing and sales. Doing well with one but not the other will set you off balance, and your business will not grow. Anyone telling you otherwise is lying to you. 💸
✨ SPELL
Because this newsletter is sent out in conjunction with the lunar cycles, this segment offers you a moon ritual. Prior to all the stuff listed above, I studied art history as a way to develop an understanding of world religions. Since childhood, I’ve been on a spiritual journey to develop my own relationship to the divine. In no way do I have any interest in telling you what to believe or not believe. That’s for you. It’s personal. And for me, it’s cyclical. My spiritual practices have changed my relationship to time in such a beautiful way that I want to offer you a bit of that shift here by recognizing the cycles of the moon in order to hand you an opportunity to incorporate cyclical time into your experience of life. I work with many spiritual mentors, and ritualized practices are incorporated into the foundation of Project Reclamation—my equity-centered membership community—as well as the Reclamation Weekend retreats I host. And when you joined this email list, you received a Reclamation ritual from me. Again, I don’t care what you believe in or don’t believe in. Paying attention to the moon will help repair your relationship with time, which capitalism has fucked up for all of us. If you’d like to dive deeper into esoteric spirituality, I recommend checking out the Magical Mentoring program offered by Tandy, who I mentioned in blue above, for her Pilates work. That info is HERE.
Across time and culture, the moon has often represented our inner world of emotional connection, spiritual journey, and relationship to self. Aligning myself with the cycles of the moon has offered me the added bonus of shifting my relationship with time. When we allow ourselves the space for rest and renewal, rather than keeping ourselves stuck in the constant hustle & grind mentality of late-stage capitalism, our perspectives on what’s influential, what’s valuable, and what’s worthy of our energy have space to become deeper and more personal.
This week, I’m offering you a new moon ritual to hand you a little piece of that.
This doesn’t have to take a long time. The idea is to be present with yourself and focused on your full experience during the ritual. Pay attention to the sensations you feel during the ritual and make note of them afterward. I’d love to hear about your experience if you’d like to share!
NEW MOON RITUAL
The new moon is an excellent time to focus on what you want to create, achieve, or accomplish. You can get fancy with your rituals, and if you’re into altar work, crystal work, or any other kind of spiritual work, please feel free to incorporate it. Personally, I like to keep things simple.
Supplies: paper, pen, glass of water that you’ll drink
Steps:
Take a few minutes and ground yourself, whatever that means to you – whether that’s a few deep breaths, listening to a guided meditation, washing your face, putting your feet in the grass, masturbating, or anything else.
Write out what it is you want to create, achieve, or accomplish. This can be big or small. It can be for the lunar cycle beginning with this new moon, the next 6 months, the next calendar year, or a lifelong dream.
Read what you’ve written—out loud—over your glass of water. Then drink the water.
It’s Friday the 13th, and tomorrow we have a new moon AND a solar eclipse. 😳 That’s a lot of spooky vibes, given that we’re in October, eh?
But here’s the deal: Historically, Friday the 13th as “unlucky” is relatively new. It has its roots in Norse and Christian mythology with the number 13 (Loki crashed a banquet and became the 13th god in attendance, then bad shit went down; Judas, as the 13th disciple, betrayed Jesus). But Friday the 13th being a day of misfortune only came about in the 19th century. And even then, it was primarily relegated to Victorian England and Ireland. Italy deems Friday the 17th as the unlucky day, and in Greece and Spain, it’s Tuesday the 13th.
Aside from that, there are also historical ties to Friday the 13th being a day of luck and protection through matriarchal and goddess-worshiping traditions. Friday is known as the day of the goddess – named after Frigg (Norse sky goddess of love and motherhood, protector of homes and families) and/or Freyja (goddess of love, fertility, and war) or Venus, depending on the language.
The number 13 was often seen as beneficial and abundant due to there being 13 lunar (therefore, fertility) cycles per year.
And this doesn’t even touch the histories across other parts of the world! So the idea that Friday the 13th just IS an unlucky day? 🤷♀️ I don’t subscribe to that. You can unsubscribe from it, too.
With regard to tomorrow’s new moon: because this is an eclipse, the witchy community will advise against rituals and spell-casting. They say the energies are wonky and unpredictable. I use ritualized practices as a form of self-care, as I do all spirituality. I use it to connect deeper with myself. And what energies may or may not be wonky or unpredictable…I will leave that up to you to decide.
Take the ritual or leave it (always, but especially) this month. Make your own decisions. I trust you to do what’s best for you. 💕 If you want to start connecting with the lunar cycles and also not test the energies, you can always do the written part in step 2 and skip the rest. ✨
✊ STATECRAFT
Politics is a not-so-secret passion of mine. I used to run a couple of political organizations here in Kansas City and lobby at the state level in Missouri with Planned Parenthood. The 2016 election is what led me into coaching after I lost my mind and a therapist told me I had “excellent coping skills” because I was focusing all my time and energy on political volunteerism. And in this segment, we might get a little petty. But we’ll always be aiming to reclaim our power from the cis-heteronormative, puritanical, white supremacist patriarchy we currently live under in this hellscape of climate change and late-stage capitalism. Here, I’ll offer suggestions on candidates to donate to, people to follow, podcasts to subscribe to, and answer the question of WHO ARE WE HEXING? (Josh Hawley is always on that list.)
Last week. That Speaker of the House fiasco. What the actual fuck? 🤯 What is the Republican party even DOING?! I mean, come on. Do I think Kevin McCarthy is a good leader? No. No, I don’t. (Do I think there are better alternatives within the party? 🤦♀️ Probably also no. Though, admittedly, I am not SUPER well-versed on every single one of the Republican House members. So I’m open to a slight maybe here.)
Was this a week ago? Yes. Is it still mind-boggling? YES! And in considering allll the folks we could include here, my answer to “Who are we hexing?” this week has got to go to Matt Gaetz. His politics are some of the most egregious, and he’s a fucking sexual predator.
So this week, we’re hexing Matt Gaetz. Who else needs to be on this list?
*This segment is not intended to promote harm to anyone in any way. I don’t hex people in real life. ✊
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That’s it for this week, lovely! I appreciate you offering me space in your day. And I look forward to seeing you fuck some shit up today! ❤️🔥
-xoxo-
Keli
P.S. I want to invite you to Project Reclamation, a private, equitable, self-coaching community, to explore the most expansive version of yourself. Inside, you’ll receive tools for nervous system regulation, emotional processing, and cognitive self-coaching. Plus, you’ll have access to Master Certified Coaches to receive written coaching as well as live coaching via group calls. And you’ll be able to join in on an integrated book club, as well as both virtual and in-person community celebrations.
Maybe life coaching has felt out of reach for you in the past, as it’s often relegated to those hoarding enough wealth to be bored. But self-discovery doesn’t actually come in Tiffany boxes, and it is my goal to make healing and growth accessible to everyone.
Inside this space, we’re committed to reclaiming our bodies, our time, our joy, and our lives from all the cultural conditioning that has left us feeling less than. And we’re doing it in a vibrant, supportive community that is truly open to everyone who shares these values. (Though cis-het white Christian men may struggle a bit.)
Registration is now open, so click the link to join. See you on the inside!
